Not just a father....An Awesome Dad!

'Any man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a Dad!'

By Rupal Jasraj Patel

(Child Psychologist, Parenting Coach, and Parent & Child Counsellor)

“What do I do with a three-year-old who's grabbing my trouser leg just as I am on an important call?”

'I am really not in the mood to play house-house or hide and seek or football after a long, hard day at work.'

'I can’t watch cartoons after an exhausting day at work. I need to watch the news and my cricket match. Why doesn't anyone understand?!”

'How am I going to get this adamant child to eat his food? I have no patience for these things.'

'Shouldn't all this be handled by the mom? Isn’t it her domain? I am so lost most times as to what to do!'

The last one almost sounds like a wail for help! Doesn't it?

Yes, Fatherhood isn't easy either.

Well, to make it clear - it isn't meant to be easy, but it is definitely meant to be a life-changing experience, giving you some of the most precious moments of your life! :)

Here are a few tips to remove the struggle in your journey of fatherhood and to help you become an even more awesome dad than, what I am sure, you already are!! 

The fact that you are reading this is proof enough of that. :)

1. Spend Time with Your Child

How much time a father spends with his children tells them how important they are to him. 

Spend a minimum of 15 minutes every day, having FUN with your children on a one on one basis.

Find something that both of you enjoy, be it a sport, board games, laughing together, tickling, dancing, painting, reading, roughhousing- absolutely anything that is ‘fun’ for both of you!

Remember, filling their cupboards with toys and other material things will not help in building that bond; spending time together is what will get you closer to your child and strengthen your relationship.

2. Respect your Children

Talk politely to your children. It is very important for us to respect them if we want them to respect us. 

Listening to them when they are talking, not interrupting their conversations, allowing them to make some of their own decisions, all go a long way in showing respect.

3. Communication is Important

Talk to your children. Talk about their day-to-day routines and tell them about yours.

Be aware of your child's life, get to know their friends, the activities they do, their hobbies, and their interests. 

Get to really “know” your children.

4. Don't just hear, LISTEN!

When children talk, listen! What they are saying is very important to them. Don't jump in and start giving advice. Take the time to just listen and try to understand the feelings behind their words.

When they talk, be fully present. Keep the newspaper aside, switch off the television, put your mobile on silent. Maintain eye contact and give them your undivided attention. This will tell your children how important they are to you. It will go a long way in increasing their self-esteem and also set the stage for more meaningful conversations, as your child grows older. 

Though if your child wants to talk to you at one of those times when you are really busy, don't stress. Assure them that you will be with them once you are done. Fix up a time -- it could be half an hour later – or even by the day. Just make sure to make the time to follow through with it.

5. Teach and Encourage 

Very often fathers feel that teaching is something their spouse or the school has to do – be it something concrete as learning how to use the computer or play a game or imparting values and teaching right from wrong. But a father who spends time teaching his children in every way, and encourages them to do their best, will see his children grow up believing in themselves and making correct choices in life. 

A father who is involved in his child’s daily routines will be able to impart the basic values of life through everyday examples.

6. Discipline with Love

Every child needs guidance and discipline. This does not mean punishment, but setting reasonable limits. Discipline should always come from a place of love and the purpose of discipline is to teach the child responsible behaviour. 

Also keep in mind that as the child grows older, the freedom should be increased and the limits have to be reduced. 

Use positive forms of discipline such as logical consequences; wherein the consequence is connected to the misbehaviour.

7. Demonstrate your Love

Children need the security of being loved and accepted by their families. Showing affection is a wonderful way to demonstrate the love you have for your child. Hug them, kiss them, cuddle them and be there for them at all times.Let them know they have your unconditional love and support. This will strengthen the parent-child bond and also ease the discipline and communication process

8. Respect your Child's Mother

One of the best things a father can do for his children is to respect their mother. If you are married, keep your marriage strong. Show your love and affection for your spouse. When you have a conflict, demonstrate how two people can make up. This teaches your children a lot about relationships. If you are divorced, it is still important to respect the mother of your children. Don't ever badmouth your spouse in front of your children.When children see you respecting each other, they are more likely to feel accepted and respected as well.

9. Eat Together as a Family

Mealtimes are special times for bonding as a family. Sharing a meal together is an important part of healthy family life (breakfast, lunch or dinner). Besides providing stability to busy days, it is a wonderful opportunity for the entire family to share the happenings of their lives with each other. It is a time of togetherness and strengthening the family ties.

10. Make plans with your children

Take your children to the zoo, the museums, the beach. Take them for walks; take them swimming, take them bowling, take them to the park. Celebrate festivals, significant occasions, and even no occasion surprise celebrations!

Give them your undivided attention and be present with them at these times. 

Use these opportunities to bond, to teach and to learn from them. 

Whether these times are spent one-on-one or with family or with friends, the most important thing is to enjoy yourself with them!

11. Be Involved in your Children's Lives 

Give priority to your children over other things and other people. Attend parents' days, sports day, annual day celebrations and any events they are participating in or which are important to them. 

No matter what reasoning or justification you give to them for not being there, we all, including children, realise that we "make" time and prioritise things and people that are important to us. (It's very rarely that we genuinely cannot make it.) Remember this the next time you have to take a decision on whether to attend an event that is important to your child or fix up a meeting with someone at work. 

Time and childhood both don't wait. Being a part of their important days will not only build your child's self-esteem but also go a long way in strengthening your relationship with them.

12. Be a Good Role Model

Practice what you preach. Don't tell your kids that honesty is the best policy and then ask your spouse to say you are not at home when an unwanted person calls. Children will model themselves on your actions more than your words.
When you make promises, even to your children, follow through with them.
Be the same man behind closed doors as you are in public. This will increase the respect your children have for you

Honour - Privilege - Responsibility

Honour - Privilege - Responsibility

by Rupal Jasraj Patel 
(Child Psychologist, Parenting Coach, and Parent & Child Counsellor)

“Life affords no greater responsibility, no greater privilege, 

than the raising of the next generation.”  
-- C. Everett Koop

The first time any parent sets eyes on their newborn baby is priceless. The first time a parent brings home an adopted child is equally a treasured moment. The joy that emanates from their heart when they hold their baby, the gratitude they feel to have a precious angel in their lives or the exhilarating feeling of becoming a parent which is irreplaceable. The sense of responsibility is overwhelming but the feeling that we are so fortunate to be given this valuable gift overrides everything else.

As children grow, parents get into a routine and many of those feelings start diminishing. The feeling that "I am oh-so-fortunate to be a parent” peeps its way up once in a while, when our children do something that makes us proud of them. But on a daily basis, the story is entirely different. We get caught up in the rigmarole of life and don't remember what a privilege parenting is.

The sense of responsibility towards parenting usually stays strong and masks itself as discipline, rules, schedules etc. Yes, discipline is required, but with a base of love and respect. And yes, all parents do love their children, but the expressions of love get lesser with time. Most parents feel "Our children 'should know by now' how much we love them." But isn't it a fact that each one of us, even as an adult, wants love to be expressed through words, gestures, and actions on a daily basis? Kids want and need it all the more!

We forget how lucky we are to have been given the chance to fulfill that need in our child's life; to fill their hearts with love and care. We lose sight of the fact that everything we say and do impacts the growth of our precious child. And the feeling of gratitude for becoming a parent gets lost somewhere.

It is never too late to make the change - even if your child is already an adult. It all starts 'from this moment on'.

-- Let us take a moment to recognize the honour bestowed on us every time we hold their hand and feel that bond at the depth of our being.

-- Let us remember how privileged we are, to have our children in our lives every time we ask them to leave us alone. Our life has so much more meaning because of our children.

-- Let us be grateful, even when they are misbehaving, for the opportunity we have as parents to guide them on the correct path.

-- Let us acknowledge how lucky we are to have been given the chance to soothe our children’s broken toes as well as comfort their broken hearts.

-- Let us understand how fortunate we are to be blessed with the most important responsibility, which is of raising another human being.

-- Let us have immense gratitude every time we look at our precious child because of whom we have the honour of being called ‘mom’ or ‘dad’.

-- And most importantly, let us always remember to express our love and care for them whether we are disciplining them or indulging them.

We have been given the chance of nurturing another life, to mould them in the way we want, to bring out their highest potential and to help them steer their lives in the direction of success and happiness.

Whether we cherish that opportunity or squander it 

is entirely up to us!

Either way, the fact will remain that 

this opportunity matches none other!!

Happy Parenting!!