by Rupal Jasraj Patel(Child Psychologist, Parenting Coach, and Parent & Child Counselor)
Exams give rise to all kinds of emotions in kids and parents - fear, stress, anxiety, anger, frustration - a whole range of negative emotions. And when they are board exams, it goes a notch higher. As parents, your role is to do your best to prevent these negative emotions from fluttering anywhere near your child.
1. Take care of the basics:
(i) Help your child set a schedule. That doesn't mean making the schedule and giving it. Just be a guide and
volunteer to help, if needed.
(ii) Ensure they have a quiet place to study.
(iii) Request siblings and other family members for their support, whether it is by keeping the television or music
system on low or keeping their voices down.
(iv) Ensure your child gets enough sleep.
2. Meals and mealtimes – Provide meals, which are packed with nutrition and tingle their taste buds as well. Include a lot of comfort foods and have meals together. Mealtime is a good time to de-stress as a family. Share about the happenings of your day and talk about things, other than studies.
3. Don’t make exams larger than life: Allow them to continue the classes they enjoy (sports, music, art, dance, drama etc.) or go out with friends or family at least till the week before the exams. A balance of work and play is essential for every person, especially children. And that balance will further motivate them to make optimum use of their time.
4. Support: Be ready to help them in whichever way they need – whether getting stationary for them, taking up their work, going with them for a walk, taking them for a drive or even just being around to talk and laugh during their break times. Even if they don't need any of that, your silent presence too is huge moral support. When you are at work, knowing that you are just a phone call away also makes a great difference. The assurance that their parent is there for them at all times creates a sense of ease for them.
5. De-stress: Without time for relaxation, the human mind can burn out. It may lead to frustration, which can put them off studying. Both parent and children need to de-stress. Keep in mind that your way of de-stressing may not necessarily be a de-stressor for your child. It is important to allow them to do in their own way – whether movies, music, dancing or cell phones. Let them schedule and enjoy their study breaks the way they choose to do so. And please remember to look after yourself so that you can be there to look after your family.
6. “Me” time: Every person needs time alone. Allow them to just be. Don't keep hovering over them endlessly. Yes most parents do it out of concern but let the child have some breathing space too.
7. Discipline: Exams create a lot of pressure for the child, whether it is self-imposed or by those around them. Dealing with that pressure is not easy for children and can lead to various mood swings. Understand that the mood swings and tantrums are not directed at you. However, that doesn't mean that you allow them to disrespect you or not follow rules. Just keep your discipline techniques a little flexible, keeping in mind that your child is going through a lot of pressure and needs all your support to get through it.
8. Nagging is a no-no: Constantly reminding them to study or micro managing their schedule can be a huge put-off. Screaming, shouting, reprimanding them will only give you a rebellious child on hand. If there is an issue, discuss it with them calmly instead of going on and on ranting about it.
9. Allow them to take responsibility: Most children step up their level of responsibility when things are left upto them. Trust that they will make the right decision about how much and when they need to study. With strictness and anger, you may be able to get the books in front of your child, but you will not succeed in putting the knowledge in their minds!
10. Don’t discuss a bad paper: Once a paper is over, thrashing it out and finding mistakes is not going to help. The only thing it will do is demoralise your child. Instead of letting your child wallow in misery about something that is over, direct them towards doing better in the next paper.
11. Don't compare: Comparing your child with others will only lower their self-esteem. When parents undermine children in any way, it is a big blow to their already vulnerable self-image. Believe in your children and keep encouraging them to do their best. Teach them that they only need to compete with themselves.
12. Let them talk to their friends: Friends are a great support. Knowing someone else is also going through the same thing eases the anxiety. Besides, answering queries that friends have or helping a friend understand something will polish their own knowledge of the subject and make it stronger.
Let your kids “enjoy” the journey of preparing for the exams and the process of giving them. Smoothen the path and make it a win-win all the way!
